should I reach out to him?

we broke up more than a year ago (he met someone else 🙁 ) and i have honestly been in and out of my feelings for him. we dont see or speak often and i think these feelings have been on for too long. I really miss him and cant get myself to even like or consider going out with other people. I have dreamt of him a number of times (more than enough). meanwhile he has had/has a girlfriend. I really really want to get over him, i consider messaging him sometimes and telling him how i feel but i’m afraid of his response and i get anxious. I really liked him and was beyond hurt when it ended. I miss him and don’t really know what to do to get over this. my heart wants to tell him how i feel but i’m scared

New Member Asked on December 4, 2017 in RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS.

Hey MU! Thanks for reaching out and sharing this with us. Breakups aren’t easy as you’ve shown here. Especially when one person moves on first. Correct me if i’m wrong but that might feel like they weren’t as invested in the relationship or the breakup didn’t affect that them as much as it affects you. It’s an annoying position to be in because you’re going back and forth between messaging him or not.

Personally, I would message the person if i felt conflicted. But I would consider these things first: Am I ready to emotionally handle the conversation. Bearing in mind that they might not react as I  think they would.I should still feel safe and secure enough before having such a conversation, that no matter the outcome I’ll be okay.

After that, If I feel ready are ready to have the conversation, I’d think more about what my heart wants to say. If it’s telling them how much the breakup hurt, I’d try my best to do that without blaming or judging them for the break up.


I hope this helps MU. Please feel free to comment under this and we can keep talking.

on December 5, 2017.

Hi! honestly, I might get a bit teary which ever way the conversation goes, joyful tears or ela tears lol. But i am 100% sure that no mater the outcome i’d be okay, maybe a bit consumed by it once in a while but okay still. Not that I want to be back with him or anything, its a bit impossible at this time due to certain logistics lol, but i just feel like i really want him to know how i feel.

I just want him to know I miss him and still care for him, he knows the breakeup hurt and has apologised and i have forgiven but not forgotten.

on December 5, 2017.

Hey! Glad you replied to this. From what you said it seems like you’d be able to handle the conversation if it did happen.

I have another question though. What would it look like for you if the conversation didn’t happen at all ? I am by no means undermining how strongly you feel about having this conversation. I hope I passed that across. 😊

on December 5, 2017.

I understand. I would probably just keep thinking about, sometimes more than other times.

on December 5, 2017.

Alright, that’s fair. You said you’d be okay with whatever the outcome of the conversation is, but you still feel anxious when you think about having the conversation.

Maybe we can think about how to let him know you want to have the conversation without telling him about it yet. Do you think that will help with the anxiety around starting it?




on December 6, 2017.

Lol how would that happen?  Yea it probably would, at least i would have an idea of how he feels or get to see his reaction

on December 6, 2017.

I think you hit the nail on the head with that. Maybe just a casual check in conversation would help see his reaction to you even messaging him at all.

Is that something you can do?

on December 7, 2017.

We have actually had a conversation like that, he messaged me though and it went well, is that enough to go ahead and tell him how i feel?

on December 7, 2017.

Hey MU! I personally think it seems like a good place to start.

Do you think you can write down everything you’d want to say first?  Maybe rate it from least overwhelming to the most overwhelming, so that you can gauge his responses as you go along?

For example if you rated “I was thinking about you the other day”, as not too overwhelming and he doesn’t respond how you like, you can stop there.


Does that make sense?

on December 11, 2017.
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