Do i have a low joy ceiling or i’m just doomed to be sad all the time?
I hate talking about how I feel so I people don’t think I’m seeking attention or I need their pity but somehow I’m never happy. Thinking about how it feels to be sad all the time makes me feel like I’m drowning and it gets difficult to breathe.
Most of the times, I feel like “okay just chill, you are over- analysing things”. Yes I do analyse things a lot but then I don’t even think I do enough even though my friends think that I’m the problem and I end up sequestering myself from people. It’s easier that way. I think I have good job on paper, pays well for a young adult; the proverbial 9-5 thing takes its toll and I hate my job,having to deal with people at work(corporate ass kissing). Trust me, it was terrible when I started working in 2015,I felt I could only survive by integrating but now it feels like they take too much of you and I can’t even breathe .
I sabotage relationship and friendships because people eventually see me and they leave, so I don’t bother give the leeway to be close.
I know it seems like it’s easier to just work on myself(that’s what people say) but I have tried to get with people, hang out often, It’s OK sometimes but I can’t shake the fact that majority of the time I feel this sadness deep and bigger than myself. I wonder how people do it.